being totally free..

i am extremely upset today, too bloody sad until i cant cry. i could barely speak, only two to three words throughout the day.
From today onwards, i am totally free. free from being haunted and infected by a virus. i hope i'll stay free until forever, until i die. i know i am so weak and very vulnerable to be infected again, but i have a super strong faith that Allah will protect me.
Ya Allah, please guide me to the right path. Amin.

He had reminded me..

I am facing a lot of things in my life, i am having through series of misery and difficulties. I just can’t take this anymore. I have been trying to get myself out of this slum and to improve my terrible life. I don’t want to be here anymore. But i know this will be the same until forever.. Every day, in my prayer or whenever i feel so sad and tired of life. Sad, upset, regret, anxiety, every single day. i asked god to keep the pain away from me. I have been asking in prayer that i could have just died so that i don’t have to face these troubles anymore. Day by day, more and more problems arise; i just couldn’t take these anymore. There’s no way out. I wanted to die. if he doesn’t help me, if there’s no miracle, i rather die!




Until that day, the day when the accident happen. I had just buckled up my seatbelt, my car hit the car in front, driven by my brother. All i did was just watching the crash happened while my hand was still grabbing the belt, thinking that my head could have broken the windscreen off if the seat belt wasn’t buckle up. I was speechless, blurred, still couldn’t believe what had just happened. Still couldn’t believe that god has just reminded me not to pray for death anymore.

Well, asking Him for death is definitely not a choice of heading to the right path..

make mistakes and take the lesson

This is not the time to make the right choice. But instead this is the right time to make mistake. Take the wrong train, get trapped somewhere, fall in love, make as many mistakes as you possibly could. Then when the right time comes, you know exactly what to decide.
So, dont be afraid to make mistakes, learn the lesson, and get onto the right path!

new life..

I would like to change who i was. i want to create a life as someone new.
Someone without the past and without the pain.
Someone alive.
But it’s not possible.
The bad things stay with you, they follow you. You can’t escape them, as much as you want to. All you can do is be ready for the good. So when it comes, you invite it in, because you need it, i need it.

i need the right path..